i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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