Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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