Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
