i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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