you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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