Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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