A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
