i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
