The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
