Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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