North Korea, Best Korea!
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
please don't ironically join a cult
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