i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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