I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
