Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
