Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
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