I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
