i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
