oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
just tell him i said nine months
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
