Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
