It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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