We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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