i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
