im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
