I puked a lego.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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