...so i touched it.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
