No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
