you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
