wanna go halves on a baby?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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