Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
