He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
