fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize