remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
