He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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