Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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