Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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