garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
