everyone is single if you try hard enough
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
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