I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
