now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize