But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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