I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
