i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
