How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
