If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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