It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
