he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
