party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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