My nipple is on Facebook.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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