Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
