Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I need a burrito and a hug.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize