just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize