So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
