bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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