oh god the rape fog is back!
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
