we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
