11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
