Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
