I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
