My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
