i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
