I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize