Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
