i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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