I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
