My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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