i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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