tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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