life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize