Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
