Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
