i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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