I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
