Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
PANTIES FOUND
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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