So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
