Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
