I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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