i'm lost and i look like a hooker
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
