she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
