i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
