If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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