I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
