i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
