I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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