By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize