i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
