he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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