I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize