That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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