I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
