i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
