You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
