Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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