It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
