You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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