i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
