you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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